until next time, Dad

phew.. didn’t think I would experience this type of loss until I was much older. My father was called home on January 30th – a loss that I didn’t think would hit me as hard as it has.

My relationship with my father was a very complicated one. I wish I could say he was there for all of my stages in life to this point but he wasn’t. My parents divorced when I was about 7 years old, after that we lived with our mom and wherever we moved to (Oklahoma, Kansas, Missouri, and Texas – in that order). My father on the other hand lived in Philadelphia, my sister and I would get to see him every summer until we hit High School and then our summers filled up with jobs, friends and love interests.

One thing I definitely learned in my 30’s, is that we may think our parents are these perfect superheros but in reality they are imperfect humans just like us, that are just trying to do their best for their children and as we all know there is no manual.

You were my imperfect, perfect father – you taught me to love both Micheal’s : Jordan & Jackson. My boisterous laugh, extreme sensitive side, and my love for electronics, – I get them all from you and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Thank you for all that you did for us. I truly wish I had more time with you, I wish I could have given you grandchildren to meet, I wish you could have met my future husband, I wish I could have watched you grow older, I wish I had the courage to say the things I wanted to say so I could began to repair the hurt I feel from our relationship, and I wish I could have told you one last time how much I love you despite any and all of our flaws.

I love you Dad – always and forever your first born xx